Yesterday evening Paula wanted to go out for a walk, so we headed along the tow path to a bridge, and up onto the road. A few yards along the road there was a sign pointing into the soggy countryside saying Nature Trail so off we went in search of something natural.

Paula spotted a pheasant.

Not exactly natural, not in this country, but it will have to do. The common pheasant is has spread from its asian home across the world by virtue of being slow and stupid and tasting good to humans. That’s actually a highly successful survival strategy. Much of the world’s landscape has been adapted to support cows, sheep, goats, pigs, and horses and the things they eat.

We left the boat to spend tonight at my brother’s place. The local butcher has a fine selection of meat (not the same as a selection of fine meat).

All these animals that could have been contenders in the immensely successful livestock niche, but they are just doing something a bit wrong. Kangaroos: too bouncy, venison: too fast, ostrich: too kicky, crocodile: too bitey.

Look crocodile, it’s time to make some changes, before you are the victim of habitat destruction and general human distaste for things that look like logs with teeth. Give up on the ambush predator schtick, switch to a vegetarian diet, and bulk up on tail meat, and there could be crocodile herds wallowing through the fens and lining the Thames Estuary.