During the Napoleonic Wars, the Emperor Napoleon in the interests of Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity, made his brother Louis king of the Netherlands. OK, it was mostly Fraternity. Louis, instead of declaring himself Koning van Holland (King of Holland) he announce that he was Konijn van Olland (Rabbit of Olland). The Netherlands had previously been a republic, so there wasn’t royal palace for Louis to move into. Instead he took over the Amsterdam town hall, and had it done up in the latest fashion.

The town hall was built as an expression of Amsterdam’s wealth and power, which in the 17th century meant lots of glop. Layer on the glop that was fashionable in the early 19th century, and you don’t need to redecorate for a long time, though dusting is a bitch.

Here’s some of the original Amsterdam glop.

Now add in the Napoleonic glop.

The Amsterdam Royal Palace is open to the public when the Dutch monarchs aren’t using it. They don’t spend a whole lot of time here as they have nicer palaces elsewhere. However this one has a hot dog stand just outside and is convenient for the trams and the red light district, so it’s where they host foreign leaders on state visits.

They put them up in glopped up bedrooms with horribly uncomfortable looking Napoleonic furniture.

That’s Louis’s bed on the left (or should I say hutch). Winston Churchill slept there, except they took the antique out and put in a real bed for him. They were probably afraid of the cigar ash.

A few more bits of glop, then I have to go to bed.

Oooh, look, a contact juggling mermaid with breast implants. I said we were close to the red light district.

But what of skulls you ask? Skulls and battle swans. The skulls were easy to spot.

The battle swans were hiding in a chandelier.

It’s an ambush. One day they are going to drop those candles, swoop down, and the Dutch Royal Family will be so much swan food.