Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood.

Welcome to Colombia’s smallest active volcano and day spa.

Legend has it that the volcano used to spew fire and lava, but the local priest exorcized it and turned it into a mud bath.

Why is that man not a saint yet?

If that doesn’t constitute a miracle worthy of canonization I don’t know what does. The hell with turning a few jugs of water into wine, turning molten lava into mud is a far better trick. Penn and Teller should get right on it.

It is of course, a bottomless pit, as all good wallows are, but the mud is very dense. Those people behind me in the picture above are floating chest deep in mud without anything but mud for their feet to rest on. If you’re not careful and don’t hold onto the side you can flop over sideways with a slow but inexorable splaaaat.

The locals are there to give you a mud massage for a $2 tip, which is optional but well worth it for the general silliness. The whole thing is a weird and delightful experience. Alas all good things must come to an end, and looking like newly spawned orcs we descended the precipitous and muddy down staircase.

A short hike to the salt marsh and we waded into the shallows and sat down while local women poured bowls of water over us and helped us wash off. (Another $2 tip). My attendant suggested I take my swimming trunks off so she could rinse them. OK, nobody’s going to see anything in water that muddy. Colombia skinny dipping achievement unlocked.

Our tour also included lunch and a couple of hours on the beach.

We got to wash off the last of the mud in the warm Caribbean waves, and enjoy the scenery. Life is good.