Ten locks today, a flight of eight called the Stockton locks, and then two more, Itchington Top Lock and Itchington Bottom Lock. Yes, there is a place called Long Itchington, though not apparently Short Itchington. Itchington has the potential to be a quite nice village but for the traffic on the A423 thundering past the village green.

There’s a Tudor Manor House.

Elizabeth I is supposed to have stayed here (about the time of the last paint job), but then the British monarchs are a peripatetic lot. If you add up all the buildings Queen Bess slept in, all the inns Henry VIII dined in and all the trees Charles I hid in, they hardly spent any time at home.

There’s a village church.

The middle of the village has a pond.

They have a collection of designer ducks, who are, like most waterfowl, up to no good. This one is planning how he will benefit from the economic chaos following Brexit.

The people of Long Itchington are wise to the ducks, however, and are attempting to prevent them from manipulating the financial markets.

Do you think the ducks will pay attention? When was the last time you saw a duck pay attention to regulations imposed for the common good? Or a banker for that matter?

Who better the explain the true threat than the man who gave us V for Vendetta and Watchmen? I leave you with Alan Moore and the Sinister Ducks