This is the actress and poet Mrs Mary Robinson, aka Perdita, and boy is she pissed.

I think this painting was by way of being a threat.

She had had an affair with the Prince of Wales, the man soon to be ruler of a powerful country. The affair had not lasted, but she had the evidence, and now she wanted money in exchange for his texts letters. She commissioned a portrait from Gainsborough, one of the great painters of the day. He could have made her look winsome or studious or frolicsome. Instead she wanted to look pissed. In her hand she is holding a miniature of her former lover.

This painting said, “Come up with the cash, buddy, or I spill the beans.” In the end she was awarded an annuity in exchange for the letters, though she had problems getting paid.

What a good job our leaders today don’t have to pay hush money to actresses.

Mary went on to write several novels, collections of poetry, and articles on feminism. She was a strong supporter of the French Revolution. She died in poverty at the age of 44, but we should not feel too sorry for her. This was the 18th century, and almost everyone died young and in poverty.

Next we have a King’s mistress who did rather better for herself.

This version of the Judgement of Paris by Boucher features Madame de Pompadour as the goddess Venus, being awarded a golden bagel by Paris as being the most beautiful goddess. She had bribed him to pick her by offering him to love of the most beautiful human woman, thus setting off the Trojan Wars and the destruction of Paris’s country.

What a good job our leaders today don’t take bribes or cut shady deals at beauty pageants.

Madame de Pompadour was the mistress of Louis XV for six years and even after his sexual interests moved on she remained his close friend and effective prime minster until she died thirteen years later. She died at the age of forty two, because 18th century, and though she personally was not in poverty, her diplomacy led to France’s defeat in the Seven Years War, leaving the country bankrupt. France also lost her American colonies to the British, so if it wasn’t for her half of America might be speaking French.

Here’s a detail from another picture of her as Venus.

Venus and her lover Mars are relaxing after some celestial shagging, when they are caught by her husband Vulcan. Mars and the attendant cherubs are shocked, but Venus has other things on her mind.

Madame de Pompadour was not averse to transexual lesbian shagging, either, at least in art. Here she is in Jupiter and Callisto.

Jupiter took on female form to seduce the nymph Callisto, but apparently retained enough masculinity to get her knocked up.

These are both from the Wallace Collection, a museum we visited today. It’s a large mansion full of paintings, arms, and armor, collected by various Earls of Hertford, plus the illegitimate son of the fourth earl. There’s a lot of 18th century French art, which means there’s lots of boobs, and men staring at boobs, and goofy expressions, sometimes all in the same painting. Sometimes though the Naughty Bits are more subtle. Can you spot the phallic symbol in this painting?

Hint: That’s not the way you tune a lute.

This one is a detail from The Halt During the Chase by Watteau.

The quarry is fending off the hunter (who is staring at her boobs) with a fan, while in a bit of oh-so-subtle symbolism a dog is about to sniff her butt.

Here’s some guys staring at boobs.

Just for a change, here’s some guys staring at a butt.

How about the guys who get to do more than just look? There’s some serious groping going on.

Who needs men? I can grope my own boob.

Yep, there’s a lot of sexual exploitation of women in art. Interestingly though, one famous picture I had always was about the male gaze turned out to be about female empowerment.

You’ve probably seen this one before, with the young man looking up the woman’s skirts as she swings on a swing. That was commissioned by the female model, who was a sex worker, as a way of advertising her business. As well as the man looking up her dress she originally wanted a bishop behind her swinging the swing, but that was considered a bit too racy.

Time to finish with some goofy faces.